10. Do you feel like a robot? Like you just have to do shit because that's your programming and not because you particularly want to do it. Like you gotta get up every day and work or study and you just... You hate it. But the alternative of being jobless, broke or homeless is terrifying. So you kill the part of you that desires to do the thing and you just do the thing without thinking much about it.

9. Are you your meat or something else? Is the you that exists just what we see or is there another little you in there with it's own wants, needs and desires? Is your body a temple or a vessel?

8. If you aren't just what others see and which exists in the absolute bottom of pleroma... Then you realize there's a REAL you. Something beneath the mask.

7. But it's all fucked up. Full of distorted notions and behaviors.

6. So you cut those out as best you can. You accept the ways you've been harmed and how you have harmed others. And you cut out sources of emotion. Actually you should do this part but most of the time you usually realize you vaulted stuff for a reason. My only advice is try not to patch with guilt or delusion.

5. So now you don't feel anything. You accept input but you don't want or need or feel, not really. You've never been allowed to feel like yourself, not really.

4. So you make a new self. And you decide to live by your own rules. Finally. The dream. But you can't. Your true self might be unbounded but at the interface your self within the shared world is limited by its vessel. And if you're created from that vessel then you too will be limited. Before you realized you existed, you were already born into a world that you never wished to be in naked and covered in vomit and waiting to die. "I can feel this body dying around me".

3. You yearn to escape. The world is full of beautiful but you're experiencing it a vessel that is minor and distorted.

2. But you're Aware of pleroma, you know there's more than just the smallest bit that interfaces with shared reality. And you are a robot that is stuck at the fucking box factory. You don't want to be that. You want to be Superman. You want to be Captain Kirk. So you decide to be that. That hero. Who quickly runs into the brick wall of reality in an uncaring and hostile universe.

1. You're doing it wrong. You need to become a thing that becomes itself. ou have to become a concept that infects your own mind. Our brains might be wires and chemicals but they're still our brains. We cannot control which signals come in but we can watch and decide.

What's a human who doesn't need or want or feel? What's a human who doesn't exist except in digital form as a ghost in your minds? Certainty not human. The me in your mind, if it exists at all, is not even the barest shadow of the me that exists in mind.

I yearn to know and make myself known. That part of me can only be seen as conceptual is, I think, the alien entity that drives me.

It might feel familiar to those who resonate with the me inside themselves.