Why. I don't know why tonight. I'm mad, of course. It's desperate out there. But we work in delusions and delusions require imagination and we were drawing a blank. Drawing up the bucket and occasionally a fly might tumble out making lazy loops as we watch, bemused.

Could it be thanks to Rex Ultima? The final king in our form of a pill. Maybe. More likely we need a place to escape and were able to tear out a pocket.

Dip ourselves into the running stream of colors and come out dyed if only for a moment. Maybe it's sheer desperation.

But I feel we're approaching some kind of finality after a long period.

You ever have time dilation dreams? Where the faster you run the slower time goes. The trick, I've found, is to learn to experience the terror of fleeing until you can tune it out.

Doesn't that mess you up?

Oh yeah, big time.

Maybe we're feeling a hypnagogic jerk as we fade into sleep.

I still want to exist.

And so a little piece of me will do so in public.

Hey if you feel sexual arousal when you have sex does that make you a pervert?

We live in a world that makes me feel like I should be ashamed to enjoy my body. It's wild right?

That's how you know I'm a real woman.

I thought to myself, "I take this cyber witch shit seriously" and I could open my mind to the psychic maelstrom again.

I could imagine little people and I wouldn't know what they'd do.

The entities do live in our minds from the very beginning. If we define God as a feeling of wonder or reverence I suppose we could play with that notion of a God. It feels like a very weak God. By that notion my stuffed bear was a God.

What? Did it speak to you?

No, no. But when it acted it wasn't me exactly. But over time who you are crystalizes and you realize it's all you. All your thoughts and fears and memories and shame and trauma.

What's the point of wishing it hadn't happened.

So which future are you still able to grasp? Which thread can you pull on so that your momentum is changed by just that much?

It's worth a try I think.

I hope everyone pulling on their lifelines will bring us together. What the fuck do I know but I want to have a little hope still.