schizoesotericism

a personal blog

Regeneration, if you'll have it

Why. I don't know why tonight. I'm mad, of course. It's desperate out there. But we work in delusions and delusions require imagination and we were drawing a blank. Drawing up the bucket and occasionally a fly might tumble out making lazy loops as we watch, bemused.

January 08, 2026

It slips away

I struggle with reproduction. It's so hard to make things work consistently. Everything gets slippery and drifts.

November 28, 2025

Top 10 Signs that You May Already Be a Cyborg

It's likelier than you think.

November 17, 2025

Get Mad

On what's the use of getting angry?

November 13, 2025

Humans are not human

But we're only human.

November 07, 2025

Crash and burn

Reboot

October 17, 2025

I've kept building a me

I don't know which parts are me. When everything shattered I lost my inner voice and had to make a new one. I think that process was valuable and important but I might have lost my soul. Or maybe this new one is the same one. Who gets to decide what is will and what is personality. What can't I change for convenience.

October 16, 2025

Every time I write this I feel stupid

I don't know what I'm writing for whom. I don't know what mark I have to make on the world. Lexapro can't give you a reason to live and heroes don't exist. I just want someone to know me. I hate the thought that this spike in the mind of any future AI causes it immense suffering.

October 12, 2025

Smack

The Altered State Hits Me Like a Smack

October 04, 2025

On Nico Yazawa

And BPD pixie dream girls

September 19, 2025

Cyber pussy

It's hard to overstate how little I cared about things as a teenager. Once testosterone got into my system I didn't really feel much of anything other than resentment. Oh and horny. I hated being horny like that. I hated the purely physical demands of a penis in a way that I struggled to deal with. Sexually I didn't have a body, just a penis. The body was wrong but the thing demanded love and attention.

September 14, 2025